Mouni

this body is a vessel..full of untapped energy..
the more i go in, the more i realise its overbearing presence..
which could be tapped thru silence..
and so i tried silence..
but it is no ordinary skill which could be acquired..
i tried supressing my thoughts..
but silence is no supression of thoughts..
i tried to be still..
but silence is no being still... its so fast tht it looks still..
but slowly i felt tht energy swerving up and down inside..
its increasin vigour ..each passing day..
until one day, whn there was so much enrgy..
tht i dunno wht to do with all of it..
it was too much for me to hold onto..
and so.. i strted releasin it.. wastin it..
indulge in mindless talking.. futile debates..
talk talk...
talk talk fukin talk...
till ur fukin throat dries..
immerse urself in all the pettiness, in its most magnificient form..
hold onto to something.. be its patron saint.. distort ur perceptions.. delude urself..
and in the process, try n justify ur existence, which is otherwise meaningless..

'Why, Mr.Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?'
'Bcos I choose to!'

Choice.

"Choose life..Choose gud health, low cholesterol and dental insurance..choose your friends.. choose fixed interest mortgage repayment..Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home......"
Ah..

talk.. till there is no one to listen..
talk..till there is no one to listen to...
and at last, whn ur decayed and desolated..
and whn the heats of loneliness hits you like the mid-May Sun..
Masturbate.
masturbate till it bleeds..
till ur feet aches.. till the calf cramps.. till you could feel the nerves crushing down..
till you could jerk off without imageries..
till you could do it with nothin on head..
till its empty
till it fades to black
or dissolves to white
till there is nothing..
till there is no I.

and at last, whn ur sapped of the last tiny tinges of enrgy left..
try and evlove the silence in you..
and tap them once again..
but this time, you would knw wht to do with it.
Amen.